Help!

Help!

Does anyone have any of those oil spill eating bacteria? There's been a natural disaster in my kitchen. A full bottle of Virgin Olive Oil just slipped through my fingers and shattered on the kitchen floor - a virgin no more. You would be amazed how far that stuff spreads! Not to mention the glass.

So far I have used up the entire Weekend Australian including the Motoring Supplement and Sports and I haven’t even finished reading it yet. 

Still it spreads – under the benches, under the table, along the sink, down to the back door. I won’t have to lubricate anything for ages, except perhaps my knees. I knew I shouldn’t have washed the floor on Sunday. Though the oil has put a nice sheen on the floorboards and really brings up the grain, I'm not sure it's that good for the carpets.

Meanwhile some idiot down the back is lopping trees with a positively ear -splitting chainsaw. My ears haven't fully recovered from Friday. I'll bet he's wearing earmuffs. The school is playing Enya again.  Normally I don't mind Enya. I have one of her CD's, but what I need is dark glasses for my ears. A helicopter clatters overhead. Dogs bark. And I do believe that's someone mixing cement. I wonder if I should go out with a white flag and a sign.

"I promise I'll tell you everything -the names of my associates, my pin number, state secrets, the things I was told in confidence by friends, even my age and serial number, anything,  if you'll all just go away."

I have a plea for Earth Hour on the 26th. Instead of just turning the lights off for an hour, could we please have an hour's silence instead?